“Harsh News” – how do we keep listening and grow from it?

Lately, I have been thinking and wondering what happens when individuals and communities (and individuals in community) come across “harsh news” that does not easily fit into their worldview. Currently, i.e. Aug 2010, there are not a lot of public examples of the constructive reception, acknowledgement, and responsive, responsible action in the face of disagreeable, critical information:. For example,  bringing to light historical injustices such as those experienced by First Nations peoples, desctructive consequences of human presence on the Planet, or even simply news of yet another global disaster — hurricane, flood, earthquake, etc.

What are our options when faced with this kind of harsh news? How do we  keep  listening and grow from it? This newness is not so much new about something outside of our world and experience, as it is news about how we live in the world., i.e. more news about us. Usually, this kind of newness comes in the form of a “discovery” about something that has been there all along, but arrives in our awareness as fresh news!

Here — from a friend’s blog –is an example of the kind of “harsh news” that I am thinking about.  I have included Michelle’s post because it offers a powerful articulation of the problem, as well as another option for response in addition to the ones that I had thought of.  (See more below.)

Whose Feet: On Language and Speechlessness Michelle Garred | August 25, 2010 at 9:26 AM |  | URL: http://wp.me/praiI-3y

Ten days ago, my mother and I visited the museum of the Squaxin Island Tribe at their small reservation just outside Olympia.  The museum is an impressive facility, designed to spatially represent the seven native groups that lived around seven nearby saltwater inlets.  There was a lot to learn, but one thought in particular has captured my attention. The 1854 Treaty of Medicine Creek was the instrument through which the expansive lands of the Squaxin Island, Nisqually and Puyallup Tribes were ceded to the US government in exchange for reservations and hunting/fishing rights.  That treaty was not negotiated in the peoples’ primary Lushootseed languages. Instead, it was negotiated in the Chinook Jargon, a limited intertribal trade language made up of several hundred words. Opinions differ regarding how much nuance could be expressed using the Chinook Jargon. In any case, the museum exhibit appears to put it mildly when stating that the Chinook Jargon was “inadequate to convey the complex issues of treaty making.” After ten days of reflection, I still don’t know what to say about this injustice.  In fact, I find myself basically speechless. I know that silence is not a good trait for a blogger . . . but in this case, perhaps it’s best to let the history speak for itself.

***** For more information on the museum, check out: http://www.squaxinislandmuseum.org/

Back to Kathryn’s comments:

At first, I labeled this post as multiple choice…as though there were clear, overtly known choices to be made in response to harsh news. Already I can see that these may not be choices, but rather more like destinations  or places for response to some kind of challenging event.

These places are not arranged numerically. I offer them in the hope that I will hear back from others as to if you recognize anything of your experience in this. (And if you have some totally other experience, I would love to hear more about it.)

So, here are five possible “places” one might go to when faced with challenging news:

1. Stunned Silence – “to wait without hope” (T.S. Eliot) for a new wisdom to arise. This response has great potential in it because it acknowledges the initial challenge and lack of clarity, while also remaining open to a later arrival of hope, i.e.  something new. This may not seem like much of a response to hard news about suffering, but it may be the best first response possible. When these  things come as “news,” we are not prepared to make sense of them, until we have time and space necessary for this news to soak into our worldview/soul and grow into something new. How the new grows out of the old is not clear, but I think that some of the other options below help to prepare the way and make it possible.

2. Guilt – Repentance

When guilt occurs in the context of actions for which we are responsible and leads to repentance and reformation, it may be a valuable and transformative response to harsh news. However, guilt may work against transformation and new growth when the concern and attention fall primarily upon “my guilt” and its eradication, rather than amelioration of the suffering at its root. Too often guilt in inwardly focused and may loose sight of the need for outward attention and action.  I am not opposed to guilt that fits, but it seems to me that this kind of guilt may arrive later on, once some of these other forms of transformation are in place and active.

3. Grief – Lamentation

Given my work over the past nine years on my dissertation, Lamentation is clearly my prefered response to harsh news. The advantage is that lamentation allows for all of the emotional weight, pain, sorrow, distress and other “strong emotions” that come with guilt, yet is not stopped by that weight. Rather, Lamentation allows for acknowledgment, honoring, and expression of distress, suffering and injustice which focuses on those who suffering rather than the guilty ones. The direction of lament is outward, and as such creates inner room for transformation through the opening and softening of heart/mind of those who lament.

Lament is not the only necessary thing, but it may offer a very powerful place from which to grow. More is needed, later on.

4. Denial – Resistance through evasive translation and or selective attention

“Denial” is a simple word, but the ways in which denial shuts down or cuts off opportunities for growth are not simple at all. My recent observation of this kind of self-protective repsonse to harsh news allowed me to see how we manage to do instantaneous translastion of  harsh news so as to allow it to go along with our existing worldview and self-image.

This form of denial is very effective in providing protection against harsh news; but it isn’t very efficient becasue it then requires that we continue to maintain, update and filter all incoming messages that are challenged by the new harsh news. I am guessing that it takes a lot of work to do this kind of information management because, at some deeper level, some part of us knows that these pieces do not fit together.

5. Desire, Longing, Passion  – Falling in Love

This final place has a bad reputation because it is not easy to find, and may easily be mistaken for one of the other places in disguise.

One of the responses from “white” people who hear harsh news about First Nations people is to “wanna be an Indian.” (i.e. the wanna-be)  Sherman Alexie and other First Nations authors rightly and often hilariosly display the not well disguised “desire” of white people for a romaticized, unreal, distorted, and self-rejecting white adoption of pseudo red ways. (See Playing Indian by Philipp Deloria.)

Yet, some place behind the false costume worn by the wanna-be, –which covers up what is and pretends to be something else, as opposed to regalia, which announces to the world and contributes to the authentic identity of the wearer– there is a desire and longing of genuine appreciation for the Other. This is dangerous territory to explore because it is extremely difficult to distinguish a magical form of white-self-rejection from a wisdom which recognizes in the Other  “things” that are not, in fact, at all exotic, but rather intimately and painfully familiar and “desireable” in a respectful way.

These are rough, new ideas and they need some time to grow.

I welcome your comments.

Posted in God at Work, God in Relationships, God in the Streets | 2 Comments

Blackberry Attack

These blackberries are actual berry bushes, not small hand-held computing devices. When we go up to Whidbey to do one of the various tasks in preparation for the building of a house, I attack blackberries and other unwanted plants.

I am not a gardener of the  sort who loves to spend hours in a garden and as a result manages to produce a beautiful, abundant garden. Rather, I am a binge attacker, who manages to devastate 5- 7 years worth of both fresh and very ancient berry canes in my efforts to clear away the unwanted plants in the hope of creating more space for the wanted kind.

This land on Whidbey –4.2 acres — mostly in trees, native bushes, and field grass — presents something of a high level of challenge in terms of managing the unwanted black berries and thistles.  And I don’t well understand why I find it so very satisfying to attack these impenetrable mounds with only leather gloves and a small hand clipper. But, I do. I enjoy these attacks greatly. It is one of the very few things that I do which offers immediate satisfaction of accomplishment, and  the smallest hint of doing something good for Creation.

(Yes, Himalayan Blackberries ARE also part of Creation, but they don’t belong here. They are cousins to the kind of people who show up in meetings, and do ALL of the talking so that no one else is allowed any light, or space or opportunity for expression, or in this case, for life.)

A year ago I was most upset at the thought of having to move to this island; that is no longer the case. I still love the city in many ways and hope that I will contiune to enjoy the richness of what is over “here.” I don’t at all think that God lives only in the Country.

Still, this very new experience of hanging out in the rough, of being in a place where most of the people I come across actually speak to me, of taking great delight in ant hills, hawk cries, and reclaiming land from blackberries for something less domineering, is life giving.

Posted in God at Work, God in Creation, God in Stuggle and Distres | 2 Comments

Something to bring home from vacation — “Heartache” by F. Paolo Frontini

In an earlier post about our summer vacation I did not mention the musical evenings at the Old Wheeler Hotel, in Wheeler, OR. After dinner at the only restaurant in town that was open, we returned to the hotel to what turned out to be an evening of music. At the “welcome tour” the guide had  shown us the Music Room, which has a various kinds of recorded music to play and a piano, complete with very old sheet music.And all of that was not simply to look at; we were invited to play the piano, etc. So I did!

I sat down and played through most of the sheet music — Deep Purple, some show tunes, and several very old things I had never heard of. In this case “old” means 1908, 1924, etc. To say the least, this very old music provided postmodern ears fleeing the harshness of much current music, with an antidote and kind of reconnection to the past that was refreshing!

After a little while, people in the adjoining rooms began to come out their doors and joined me. At first they sat quietly and listened; some while reading their books. I played a few of the pieces again and then asked if anyone else played or sang.  Two people declared their abilities as singers and we had a somewhat hilarious, spontaneous music evening. The fact that the singing wasn’t exactly good didn’t appear to lessen the pleasure of such a simple and out-of-date form of entertainment. It was so clearly not what we usually do, and not from the world we live in, that the musical evening itself was a kind of trip to another time and place.

One of the pieces, complete with a melodramatic cover of a Gypsy woman, hand holding a branch of flowers, raised to her forehead and a man lying on the ground playing a lute — Heartache by F. Paolo Frontini, 1908 —  stuck with me so much that I asked for a copy of the music so that I might play it at home.

The next day, instead of a copy of the music, which some how did not fit a modern copy machine, they gave me that sheet music.

I have not been able to find a recording of that piece, but here are links to three of Frontini’s pieces.

Ultimo canto por Frontini

Frontini http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qSGI8BBVaxg&NR=1

F. Paolo Frontini

serenata arabe

I am not advocating for a return to sentimentality in music and world views, but I deeply enjoy this music. I welcome the intensity of overt emotion that makes NO effort at all to hide behind any kind of “cool”.

This kind of music is probably an acquired taste. I still enjoy this extremely old fashioned music from another day, even if no one else seems to enjoy quite as much as do. At any rate, if you want to hear it, let me know and I will be glad to play it for you at my house.

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

The Suffering of Others and my Joy?

I have a most amazing friend. She lives what looks like a pleasant life, at least from the outside that is what it looks like.

However, if you have the opportunity to be invited a bit deeper into this pleasant-looking  life, you soon find levels of suffering, awareness of suffering and out right pain that are very hard to take in or make sense of.

Her garden is as beautiful as her life is painful. I hope that the beauty does something to mitigate the pain, but I am not so sure.

I am also not sure that a report about her distress is helpful either to her or to those who hear about her. Perhaps a most brief summary will provide just enough of a glimpse into the distress so that this reflection will make sense?

She is the oldest of three daughters; her middle sister died a painful, horrible death of cancer a few years back. My friend spent the last months of her sister’s life helping to take care of her.

Her youngest sister has Down’s Syndrome. This sister is a very loving person, yet not capable of even moderate grasp of adult conversation or interaction. A mixture of missed communication and strategic gaps in comprehension at times provide some entertainment, but not enough to compensate for the stress of never knowing exactly what is what.

And, because my friend’s parents are now in their 90’s and not exactly strong, she sold her wonderful house in the country and moved into the city into a house that has an apartment for her sister.

My friend’s daughter is mentally ill, unstable and has no real relation to her mother. However, my friend is “allowed” to spend time with her only grandchild, a brilliant and talented 12 yr old. She is taking him to Yellowstone next week because his parents (i.e. his father and a step-mother) went there last year for  “their vacation” without him. The 12 yr old has lived that last ten years of his life with his father, step-mother, and grandmother who has Alzheimer’s. The grandmother knows no one in the family, is incapable of taking care of herself in any way, and spends the days crying and rocking.

In short, my peaceful, pleasant friend lives in relation to a little shop of horrors; her own family.

This reflection on the suffering of my friend is not some kind of elevation of her distress to an honorable place out of sight. The combination of so many distressed people, lives, and relationships is tremendous. It is heavy with grief, and questions, and  deep longing for another kind of life that is not so saturated with pain.

The comparison of her suffering to my joy is some how involuntary: it is involuntary because even though I have my own questions and concerns about those I love, some how I can’t avoid knowing that her suffering and my joy ARE some how connected. I have to take notice of the little that I know about her unpleasant life, in order to, at the very least, reach out to care about her and for her, and to know that I am a complete fool not to be riotously happy in the life I live!!

I feel some kind of awkward anger when I come across complaints in my own house — how dare we complain from this place of actual comfort and outrageous beauty and in light of what my friend is living with and through??

One of my students just posted a comment on Facebook; he was VERY upset about something and wanted to punch someone. I suggested a lament instead. He relied that the lament would not fix the problem.  No, the lament will not fix te problem; there is no “fix” for this level and quantity of suffering. A lament would do something else, instead.

A lament —

How long, Holy One, will my peaceful friend walk through this thick mud?

She has NOT earned this kind of suffering or responsibility, yet,                                                                                                                  never-the-less, some how she manages to live as though her life were pleasant.

I cry out to you for my friend who won’t do that!

Help her!  Do something to sooth the mountains of distress all around her.

A lament would honor this amazing life; and recognize the profound self-offering that she is making for her sisters, her parents, her daughter, and her grandson.

A lament would do something to fill in the huge gap between her suffering and my joy                                                                   in part by reminding both of us that her suffering and my joy ARE connected, and                                                                              in what appears as a crazy kind of hope,                                                                                                                                                                   a hope that she knows something of joy,                                                                                                                                                                  from her many friends who love her,                                                                                                                                                                       from her garden, and the exquisite things that she makes.

Posted in God in Relationships, God in Stuggle and Distres, God on the Inside, Lament - Talking Back to God, Writing | 1 Comment

Now, What Do I Do Once I See How Our Worlds Differ?

This week has been full and rich with opportunities that allow me a glimpse into how the world looks through other eyes. Monday through Wednesday we spent in various aspects of celebration with our Ecuadorean “family”, i.e. Nina,  who is our god-daughter, her sister Saiwa and their parents whose names I will not list. Monday was Saiwa’s moving-up ceremony from 8th grade to High School, (the same high school that I graduated from). Tuesday was the “Cultural Celebration” part of Inti Raymi. Wednesday was the major feast and celebration of Inti Raymi with dancing, marvelous food and the giving away of fruit and money in preparation for next year.

When David, one of our sons, and I were in Ecuador, we were there for the celebration of  “San Juan”, as Inti  Rymi is also called. That is, the Inca festival celebrating the Winter Solstice (in the Southern Hemisphere) is held at the same time as the Christian feast of the St. John the Baptist.

(As an indication of how easily we assume that the rest of the world sees things as we do; I only just realized that Inti Raymi is not a celebration the Summer Solstice. We are doing that here, but not in the Southern Hemisphere.)

Since that first Inti Raymi in Ecuador and a powerful experience of being caught up in the dancing that goes on all night, I have been to 4 or 5 Seattle Inti Raymi celebrations.

I have to wonder if any one who has not been to Ecuador for Inti Raymi can grasp how amazing it is that this group of 30-40 people living several thousand miles away from Ecuador, manages to pull off  this three-day long celebration year after year.

It is not at all an entirely comfortable celebration to be part of for someone who is not from Ecuador and knows all too well how socially awkward she is in the terms of Ecuadorean/ Quichua ways of being together. So, I keep going each year that I am in town and hope that I will learn from this, what I have come to call, “fruitful discomfort.”

I will return later on to more comments about Inti Raymi, but first I want to link it to today’s experience at the Pow Wow etiquette Workshop and Veteran’s Pow Wow at Muckelshoot, White River Amphitheater.

The “fruitful discomfort” is the connector between these many experiences:

Maybe all relationships include “fruitful discomfort”. And, perhaps I only notice it here because I know that I will probably never get much beyond that in some ways in both of these settings. Nevertheless, these discomforts are both real and genuinely fruitful. It is worth the awkwardness.

The number of words that I would need to use in order to even begin to describe the discomfort is beyond the patience of most readers. And, I am not sure that even if I could find some language to adequately describe what goes into that “fruitful discomfort”, I am not sure the description would be of any use to anyone who did not have a similar experience.

The very short version of a reflection and commentary on the experiences of  Inti Raymi and the Pow Wow Day is to say that it is a Grace to see that all of God’s people do not do things in the same way. And as uncomfortable as it is to come to an awareness that my people’s way of doing things is not necessarily respectful or comfortable for some other peoples, I need to know this. I want to know this.

Seeing how gracious my Ecuadorean friends are when they arrive at a gathering and go around the room to greet every single person there by name, and with a hand shake, and then do that all in reverse when they leave, always allows me to see myself as socially backward. At least in that context, I am socially backward. I am trying to learn this, and am making some progress and it is still not entirely comfortable.

This morning’s Pow Wow Etiquette Workshop, where we contrasted how many First Nations Peoples and Anglo people see each other, with no small amount of ,”Aha!” and “Ouch!” , is a related experience of learning and growth. In both cases, several years of  learning how to be present at celebrations of Inti Raymi and the Talking Circle invite me into a kind of space that I do not otherwise experience in my life. (I don’t know if it is there I simply don’t notice it, or if it really is not there.  I suspect that it is there and these experiences are helping me to pay deeper attention to my own culture as well as that of others.)  That rare space is marked by the following:

An inclusion of everyone in the room

Yes, of course this is a “construct”. I know that. I can see that. People are people. And yet, this is a “construct” that seems to me to be a rather good idea. How amazing, this notion that we all might sit in a circle where everyone has a voice, where everyone “counts”, even if we are “pretending.” Let’s pretend. This is a “pretense” I can live with, at least some of the time. It is some how both humbling and profoundly nurturing to sit in such a circle or to dance at Inti Raymi.

Time, almost coming to a stand-still

All of these events call for a LOT of waiting, of just sitting around and waiting for things to happen.  And when they finally do  happen, it is on some kind of time/ schedule that is never efficient or prompt. And as uncomfortable as that waiting may be, at first, I have a theory that it is the waiting that has so much to do with the fruitfulness. The waiting is some kind of time machine whereby we make this transition from the speedy, multitasking hyper-efficient world of 24/7 postmodernity into another realm of time, one that appears, at least from the outside,  to be more gracious and humane.

Generosity that cannot  be balanced out

When we attempt to even the score  by giving back immediately following the receipt of a gift, so that we are not “in debt” to someone else, we miss the opportunity to experience simple gratitude and to rest in that gratitude knowing full well that we cannot, at this very moment, do anything to measure up to the graciousness being extended towards us. (I think this is training for receiving the love of God. It is not a comfortable experience, because the gap is glaring!)

However, all of the above is temporary; these steps along the way to fruitful discomfort.  There will be a time for me to be that generous. There will be a time for me to honor and welcome everyone, no matter what. And, there will be, if I can learn to pay attention to those amazing slow-motion-days, where God is calling out in every drop of the most simple moments of Life.

For now, the really difficult question is: what do I do now that I see how our worlds differ? I am moved, opened, challenged, even transformed by my glimpse into these worlds through these eyes of people I love. Seeing and knowing that there are these other ways still leaves me with this huge question.

What do I do with what I have seen?

Yes, there are things to learn from this listening and watching, There are small ways in which I can choose to change how I behave  and look at the world. But that small change does not yet help me figure out what to do with the ways of “my people”. One option, and it is one that more than a few Anglos take, is to try to abandon the ways of  “my people” as rude, barbaric and unjust and to do what I can to become part of another people.E.g. the Native American “wanna be” . Some how, I know that is not what I am called to do.

I am not going to go any further with an answer today. The question is still very large and loud and I don’t  yet have anything close to a wise answer. For tonight, I want to give the deepest possible thanksgiving to my Ecuadorean family and to my First Nations sisters and brothers, (Ted, Karleen, Elsie, Becky, Rachel and Daren) for what you are helping me to learn. I am still learning and will continue this reflection, once there is a bit more light. Amen.

Posted in God at Gatherings, food, drink and holy stuff, God in Relationships, God in Stuggle and Distres | 4 Comments

Community Through Quilting Squares, etc.

Small Steps Toward Understanding, Appreciation, & Community Through Giving, Receiving  and Leaning:

First the learning, and then the giving and receiving:

In spite of the increasingly imposing nature of the houses recently built in  Richmond Beach, the nature of relations and connections between those who first lived here and those who live here now remain, at best, fuzzy. While there may be no possibility of actual clarification or even less of reconciliation, it is possible to shed a light that links the past to the present so as to honor those who were here before.

May we learn from this honoring and live here with deeper awareness, gratitude, generosity and wisdom. And, may this effort not cause distress.

This little adventure is a fruit of my pondering the phrase, “If God is Red and I am White….” The phrase is the title of an article I wrote for a conference honoring Vine Deloria, Jr. who died three years ago.[1] It is a response to Deloria’s lifelong work of making a form of Native American thought, philosophy and worldview accessible to those in this country who are not NA. His first national publication was an article in Playboy Magazine, that later became, Custer Died for Your Sins. Among his many books, is God is Red A Native View of Religion.. My response to Deloria was something of an exercise in theological imagination, rather than any kind of declaration of certitude about the way things are. Rather, it tries out a notion that is both the title and conclusion of the book” …that for this land, God is red.” The purpose behind my entry into this aspect of theological imagination is to take seriously the fact of living in a place that not all that long ago belonged to other Peoples, and to reflect on the implications of recent history for present faith, practice and worldview.

That is to say, what difference does that history make to how I see God, myself and the way I relate to others and the Creation now? This is an experiment and a journey to which you are invited.

While much about the past is only dimly and poorly understood, I am using what I know now to move into this exploration. Learning a bit about traditional Coast Salish sites near to my house in Richmond Beach is one of these pieces. There are two important formal sites in parks near to my house whose purpose is to honor the First Nations who came to this place before we did:

The Welcoming Figure in Richmond Beach Park, with its ten-foot tall Coast Salish bronze casting of a cedar carving:

Welcoming Figure carved by artists Steve Brown, Joe Gobin, and Andy Wilbur[2]

This sculpture was built in conjunction with the non-celebration of the 500 years since Europeans arrived on the North American continent. The site was blessed with an Indian Shaker ceremony in 1992, that I was honored to be present for. The art work was created by a team of First Nations

carvers and leaders who arrived at this powerful way of recognizing the First Peoples of this place without mention of European arrival. Rather, in something of an opposite perspective, the sculpture stands tall facing the direction from which the sun shines low on the horizon at the Winter Solstice, to greet those who arrive at this beach that has been for a thousand years a site for traditional visits to collect Knnickinnick, (Arctostaphylos Uva-ursi (L.) Spreng.[3] This plant, now   planted in many gardens of the area, including along the retaining wall on the north side of Richmond Beach Road, was used by First Peoples as a kind of tobacco and smoked in ceremonial settings.

The other site, two long-blocks below our house, at the foot of the hill just this side of the railroad tracks, is Kayu Kayu Ac Park, Shoreline WA. [4] While there is no access to the beach, and everything that grows there has been recently planted – there is nothing indigenous about the spot at all – it is a small and somewhat awkward attempt to acknowledge the presence, past and present, of the First Peoples of this place and to honor them by using their language for the name of this park.

(This next section is what is on the Shoreline Park wed-page about the park. )

Art work to be installed in the park:

“…two pieces of art in the park coming in 2010.  David Franklin is designing a dramatic new entryway for the park which will include a metal Coast Salish canoe gate and side posts with canoe paddles.  James Madison is creating a free-standing sculpture with a salmon fishing theme for the open lawn area just north of the swings and play area.”

“These two artistic elements strengthen the park’s Native American theme honoring the first people to inhabit the area.

Richmond Beach Neighborhood of Shoreline at Richmond Beach Drive NW and NW 198th Street along the Burlington Northern Sante Fe Railroad mainline that runs along the shoreline of Puget Sound.

“Kayu Kayu Ac park”. It is pronounced Ki-U Ki-U Atch: ki like kite, U like the letter U and Ac is atch like in watch.  This name is a common Native American (Lushootseed/ Coast Salish) term that was used to describe the Richmond Beach area as well as the native plant kinnickinick.

The City enlisted the help of Edith Nelson, a Duwamish Tribe Elder who lives in Richmond Beach where the park is located.  Nelson consulted with a tribal member who is doing language research of the early Duwamish people.  The area where the park is located was a well-known area among the Duwamish; it was called Kayu Kayu Ac.

http://www.cityofshoreline.com/index.aspx?page=161 . Accessed June 20, 2010.

Small steps are better than no steps.

All of this background is to explain why I am inviting you to join in a another small step by helping to prepare some bookmarks for a give-a-way that will take place at the end of the Native Ministries Consortium Summer School in Vancouver on July 23, 2010.

This past weekend, the Ethnic Ministries of the Episcopal Diocese of Olympia held a workshop on Internalized Oppression at All Saints’ Episcopal Church in Seattle, WA. Over a Friday evening and a Saturday, this group of 30+ Episcopalians from various congregations in Western WA explored “race”, “prejudice” and “racism”, and “power”. The workshop was led by the Rev. Canon Ginny Doctor and Suzanne Krull, of the Anti-Racism Training group from the Diocese of Alaska.

Without any attempt to summarize the training, the conclusion of such events always leads those who are not First Nations to ask: “So, what can I do?” This little project invites you to learn something you did not already know, and then to express that learning by participating in a very small give-a-away as one thing you can do.

So far, you have learned something about two FN sites in Shoreline that in small yet actual ways do something to acknowledge, past and present, First Peoples in this land.  And, now you have this opportunity to learn something about how traditional communities, past and present, use giving and receiving to bind themselves together. First Peoples are not some superhuman groups to be put on pedestals, but rather are our neighbors and friends from whom we can learn and collaborate. This kind of giving and receiving is something we can learn.

In Euro-American contexts we tend to think that the person with the “most stuff” is some how “richer” than those with less stuff. In many tribal communities, including those indigenous to Puget Sound, “power” and connection was and is demonstrated by the capacity to give away more things/ stuff than others. So, while I do grasp how the give-away is a form of power, I am more interested in the capacity of the give-away to bind us together.

The Summer School of the Native Ministries Consortium of the Vancouver School of Theology is 25 years old this year. It meets for two weeks each summer and welcomes many First Peoples from all over North American, and more than a few non- native people who come to be present to and learn with and from First Nations peoples. I will be back there again this summer for the 4th time. One of the things I have learned from these summers is that one does not show up to such an event without something to give away. And, the reason is not simply because it is embarrassing to be the recipient of such tremendous generosity, but because we always come to love people there and that loves calls for this giving. (This is certainly true not only for North American First Peoples gatherings; this is also true when meeting people from almost any other part of the world, especially the Middle East.)

This giving and receiving, where both aspects are important, works like that chain from the Epistle, Colossians 2:19 where we become “knit together in love” by these things that stand in for our respect and love for each other.  The conclusion of the Internalized Racism Workshop included the giving and receiving of calico quilting squares. [5] Following a reaffirmation of our baptismal vows as indicative of the significance of the workshop, each person was invited to come forward to receive one of these squares. Inside each square was a card, on which we  wrote our commitment as to what we would do with what we learned. I said that I would use my square(s) to make something to give away at NMC and that I would invite other folks into the process as a way of sharing the learning. The idea is that I would like to give something that is not only from me, but that represents other people in my community and life. And that desire to give something that comes not only from me, but from “my people”, is something formed by my experience with First Peoples.

So, after all of this, you are hereby invited to join this project. I have the three black and red quilting squares. I have a vague idea of looking for some very small pieces of driftwood from the beach in front of the Welcoming Figure, that we could drill a little hole in and attach to the bookmark. Then I will see if there is some manageable way to tell a very small piece of this too-long story on a black and red book mark that comes from here in Shoreline and is given to people up in BC.


[1] Kathryn A. Rickert. “If God is Red, and I am White: Honoring Vine Deloria, JR.” Journal of the Indigenous Theological Training Institute, publication pending (2010?)

[2] http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2238/3956370159_bc7234e051_m.jpg . Accessed June 20, 2010.

[3] Edna Gunther. Ethnobotany of Western Washington: The Knowledge and Use of Indigenous Plants by Native Americans. Seattle and London: University of Washington Press, 1945, 1988, 44. According to Gunther this plant had the following name in the following tribes: Chehalis kaya’ni, [S’] Klallam kinnikinnick, Makah, kwtca’, Skokomish sklewat, Squaxi s’qaya’dats.

[4] http://www.pugetsalish.com/downloads.aspx The name k’ayu k’ayu is confirmed on this Coast Salish Lushootseed Language web page, with the name of Zalmai Zahir, April 6, 2009. Accessed June 20, 2010.

[5] The reason for giving these squares is that Ginny Doctor’s tribe, the Onodaga, of upper New York State, was promised “cloth” in exchange for their land as part of their (1974) treaty with the U.S. Government. That cloth, now, unbleached muslin, is the only part of the treaty which has been kept.

Posted in God in Creation, God in Relationships, God in Stuggle and Distres, Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Daily Writing

The purpose of this post is to encourage other people to write, because writing has a way of opening life to us that may not othewise happen. In it I tell you a bit about how and why I write —  I am a messy a writer  — in the hope that you will find your own way of writing, and that when you do you will see what a marvelous practice it is. And, maybe you will not be so messy as I am? Since finally getting out of school, for the final time, I hope, at the age of 62, I have been trying to figure out how  to transition into some kind of post-school life that finds a place for thoughtful writing, reading, reflection and conversation, without so much of the pressuring, terror that I associated with my doctoral program. I have seen other people, musicians, scholars…who once they emerge from some harrowing experience of learning, practice, etc. never actually return to it all. That part of life comes to an end. I have some friends, a couple who both have Ph.D’s and they know what this is about. How does some one who has spent a life time, either in school or in a profession that called for regular study, etc. make some kind of transition to something that still includes regular study…but not quite so much, and with less pressure, etc.? I really don’t know. One approach is what I am doing at this very moment, it is part of my new project to do “daily writing.” The idea came to me from the Faculty Writing Group that I am in at SU; it was part of our orientation sponsored by The Center for Excellence in Teaching and Learning. So, does writing a blog “count” when one is trying to be a scholar and do serious reading and writing? I hope so; it is by far some of the most focused and enjoyable writing that I do. It is focused because of the structure and tools of a blog. It is enjoyable because some how this format seems to make it possible to write even a little, and in an unfinished form, without having to become too concerned about the final product, yet That is what “Save Draft” allows one to do. I was in a panic yesterday, mostly because I was comparing myself, as a writer and scholar,  with someone I am not, and failing to be who I am. That approach only gets me into trouble, whether it pertains to writing, or faith, or anything else. I have known this for a very long time, but it is still sinking in. (How long is this going to take?) “Slow learner” takes on a whole new meaning when it seems to be taking a lifetime to learn even the most basic things, such as this notion that I need to be who I am and stop looking  elsewhere for my core. This much I do know today: when writing comes from the core (body and soul), it redirects those wandering glances back where they belong. As inefficient a writer as I am, and that is very inefficient, this is still one of the best ways to sort out what is going on and how to make sense of life. It is not the only way, and I have to prepare  for this process by doing both bodily things outside or in the water, and creative things which allow the soul to take some kind of form and appear in public, in writing. There are ideas, understandings, questions, insights, and things for which there are only close approximations, and they only show up in my life on pages; either paper ones or screens such as this one. The reality that belongs to all of that is not here in this or any screen; it is elsewhere out in real life. But the time spent in reflection and pondering real life on pages and screens enhances real life by allowing us to step to the side long enough to notice something of what we are doing, or trying to do.

Posted in God at Work, God in the Media, God on the Inside | 5 Comments

A Grammar of Connection, “I ain’t ever had a job…” Sachel Page

                              Rest in Peace,  Walter Bryant                          Jan 20, 1947 – March 5, 2012

This posting was originally written for my friend, Walter Bryant. I have just heard that he died this morning around 6 am.

Two days before he died, on Saturday, I had the great joy and honor of making a pilgrimage to St. David Emmauel Episcopal Church, the Church that Walter and we have gone to, most every Sunday morning for the past 6 years or so, with Walter’s sister Ella, her husband, his sister Jackie and a sister-in-law. The reason for this pilgrimage was so that they could see the Station of the Cross VIII that Walter and Alison Lot made about three years ago. 

“I ain’t ever had a job, I just always played baseball.”  Sachel Page

When I saw this card at Bartell’s Drug…of all places, I was rather sure that Walter would like it. So, while baseball  holds a sacred place in his life,  we see each other Sunday mornings at the 8:00 Service a.m, at St. David Emmanuel Episcopal Church.

Walter always remembers our birthdays, both mine and my husbands. And he gives us a card, usually that Sunday, right there in church. If we are gone that week, he either brings it a week later, or sometimes mails it.  He does not forget.

Since Walter’s BD is January 20,  his birthday was on Inauguration Day last year.  And, Walter is an African-American for whom that day held and continues to hold tremendous meaning. He began wearing a “1.20.09 pin” on his impeccable, elegant coats, and suit jackets within days of the election.

Without telling a story that is not mine, and which I have no right to tell, suffice it to say, that Walter’s life has not been exactly easy; but it certainly is in an amazing place now that he is in his 60’s. Among the many things that Walter takes on, is his huge baseball card collection. A real one,  with hundreds of thousands of cards, all catalogued, and worth no small amount of money. (If, he were willing to sell! He isn’t. At least, not now.)

I forgot Walter’s birthday this year. But he did not forget mine, nor my husbands. So, two weeks ago I decided that even if I had missed the actual date, I wanted to give Walter a card simply because both of us treasure Walter. Even if the sermon were to be horrible, which it isn’t; or something happened to mess up the Eucharist, the honor of sitting in the row behind Walter, as we have done now for something like five years, is one of those things which have no price. You can’t buy that kind authenticity, joy, reality, and courage. And, we are privileged to sit by him each week that we are in town and get to Church.

Two of Walter’s contributions to the life of our little worshipping community are the way he says the Lord’s Prayer and the way he reads the Epistle, most Sundays. Not wanting to be rude, and tell Jesus what to do, he adds “Please” before both of the petitions in the Lord’s Prayer about…”Please, deliver us from evil” and “Please, forgive us our trespasses…” The rest of us in this service of 6-10 people, have become accustomed to Walter’s Liturgical innovations, and some how, come to love it.

His other remarkable gift is the way he reads the Epistle. He reads with a freshness that exposes fully the fact that he actually believes what he is reading. And every once in a while, both he and we cry when he reads, because that story and Good News that he reads is why and how he is alive today, rather than dead.

The card isn’t just a card with a text, it is one of those cards that has the small “chip” inside and plays music. Or rather, I thought that it played music, since that is what most “sound cards” do. This one, however, does not play music. Instead it plays what is far more appropriate to Walter…it plays the unmistakable roar of a crowd at a baseball game, cheering with delight, and life. And, in this case, the roar is for Walter.

The whole card was most appropriate for him…Sachel Page, baseball, crowd roar…but the thing he liked the most, was the grammar — “I ain’t ever had a job…” It is a grammar of connection to all of his past, and now between those of us who know about this card and the links that it builds.

To see Sachel page…. ==>      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4y9ml7VhlY

Posted in God in Relationships, God on the Inside | 2 Comments

On The Inside

What happens on the inside of a life that has at the core some quality of faith and spiritual substance?

I am pondering this because I am” watching” some people I know who have very different understandings about what it looks like for a person to be spiritually mature.  These differences are clashing into each other in ways that are not the stuff of either faith or spiritual substance.

Perfection is not the point in either case; all of us no matter how wise or spiritually formed have our aspects of immaturity, and need for additional depth and wisdom. So, that part we shall assume — not about perfection.

But then, there seems to be some problem with just how “different”  you can be from me if  both of us are living out of the same source of Life, Spirit, Wisdom?

Some how to my mind and heart, I think the more difference the better. However, I appear to lack much company in that notion.

Perhaps the question beneath all of this has more to do with what it is that provides that solid kind of inner foundation that is not threatened by difference?  That lack of threat is one of the clearest signs to me that someone is spiritually mature. But, what to do when this difference is taken as a threat or worse, as a failure to replicate the experience, understanding and world view of another?

Sure, it is her problem…just “leave it!”, as we tell our dogs. But, that approach will not work when the tension is with people I deeply love and respect.

I write about such things in the hope of learning something from this writing. So, far I am thankful for a larger question, even if I have no idea at all what to do about this disruption.

Perhaps we need another kind of “spiritual exercises”, a kind of  “strength training” whereby what is different, other, and strange eventually comes to a source of contemplation and new learning?

For now, I will think about this more.

Posted in God in Stuggle and Distres, God on the Inside, Uncategorized | 3 Comments

“The Whites” a pair of “white, rare Rock Doves,” aka ferral pigeons

Mr. and Mrs. White both visited our yard most mornings for at least a few months. They usually stood together on the roof, as they waited for me to put out the food, and then flew together to the feeding station atop a pole in our yard.

We have breakfast with them every morning we are home.

Of course if I can determine who is who among the many birds who come, so can the hawk/ falcon, or whoever it was , who ate Mrs. White. I am still struck by seeing her feathers on the ground,,,and wondering, hoping that there  were other birds with that many white feathers. However, since I have not seen her again, I am rather sad and certain that Mrs. White will not return to the feeder with Mr. White.

I have friends and colleagues who “hate” pigeons; I love them, especially Mr. White. Now that Mrs. White is gone, he not only comes every morning, some times before the others, but he often comes back again at the end of the day just to see if perhaps there is some food. He not only comes to see, he comes to the feeder and then turns around and looks at me standing in the window.

There is something  rebellious about loving a creature that other people hate. He is a bit smaller than the other birds, and gets in more than his share of pecking duels. Still, he continues to come every day.

I realize, especially when he is here by himself, that leaving our birds is one of the most difficult parts of moving.

Yes, I have already found new animal loves at Coles Road — the frog, the four ant hills and the swearing Precept squirrel– but these birds have been part of my life since my parents died and I started feeding anything that could stay alive.

Of course, they will stay alive without me and the small bit of seed that I give them each morning; but  now that Mr. White and his colleagues are intimates of mine, I cannot see any pigeon, without thinking of the ones I love. And I do my best not to blurt out something shocked when people tell me how much they hate them and how glad to have been able to dumb a nest of live eggs into the garbage.

Thanks be to God for Mr. White. Each day that you come, I enjoy your beauty and the way you look at me standing in the window.

Posted in God in Creation, God in Relationships, Uncategorized | 1 Comment